PTSD has me down  ~ “Not All Wounds Are Visible”

by Jacque Gonzales

It’s been one of those days.  Well, actually the last week or two. Can’t sleep at night, can’t wake up during the day.  It’s a frustrating cycle that can get overwhelming.  I’ve been staying busy working on projects for the next few weeks, while at the same time trying to ignore how I’ve been feeling.

I know that many people have been through the same.  It’s normal to occasionally feel down and doubt yourself – but to get through it depends on how someone chooses to address it.  Although, sometimes you can’t do it on your own and you need a little help.

I always look for solutions myself, but implementing those solutions on my own sometimes takes more energy than I might have at the moment.  I need to learn how to ask for help – and actually accept it.

I have PTSD. Technically I have C-PTSD (Complex-PTSD), but it is not a fully recognized diagnosis yet.

I won’t go into any specifics about my circumstances – eventually one day I will share my story with you. I’ve dealt with it for at least 25 years. If I can help one person with my story – I will be so thankful.

PTSD can occur in BOTH Military and Civilians.

I have a trauma specialist who has helped me tremendously.  Equine Therapy and Art Therapy have been other elements that have been very beneficial.  Since we were in Florida for a couple weeks, I haven’t kept up with it in over a month.  I’m calling them today.

I was also told to look into meditation and yoga – which I haven’t done.  It’s suppose to be good for calming and distressing.  I just need to find some places to go.  I want to make these goals for myself come to fruition in the next couple weeks.

If you have PTSD, talk with a health professional and loved ones you can trust.

If you know someone with PTSD, please learn about the signs and issues that go with it – and learn how to assure them that they are safe.

For more information about PTSD, please visit this website:  PTDS – NIMH 

Thank you for listening.  I just needed to write this out – and acknowledge to myself how I’ve been feeling.  And, I hope this helps someone who might be feeling the same way – to know that they’re not alone.  It’s time for me to take the steps I need to get myself back on track.

Every small step counts, right?

Blessings ~ Jacque 💜

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Nancy September 23, 2017 - 7:25 PM

Reiki, mefitation, hypnosis…

Denise M. Hartman August 17, 2017 - 7:42 PM

I read that you were interested in mental health along with your PTSD.
My husband is a psychiatrist, a really good one, and would be open to talking to you if you’d like. He has also been doing TMS for years and has a great track record for success. The great news about TMS now is that most insurances cover it.
Let me know if you would be interested.
Denise M. Hartman

alice August 16, 2017 - 10:03 PM

Jacque, I’m so sorry you are having a bit of a hard time right now. I’m praying for. You are special, you are beautiful, you are smart and you are very loved. Remember that, my friend.

Gary Del Rio August 15, 2017 - 9:46 AM

I haven’t seen any recent posts. I pray all is well with you. i know you’re one tough lady when you need to be. GOD bless you, Gary Del Rio

Amy Collins August 14, 2017 - 11:09 PM

Jacque All of a sudden I thought where is that happy go lucky Jacque? I watch QVC but I am busy & thought maybe you were just on vacation. Can I tell you how much I enjoyed watching you! I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time. I have dealt with PTSD 2! It’s hard! I miss seeing your beautiful smile & energy & passion. Good luck to you.
All the best,
Amy C

Connie August 12, 2017 - 8:09 PM

Hi Jacque! I have watched you on the Q for years and have wondered where you’ve been! I am so sorry you are suffering with PTSD…it can’t be easy. But you are so brave and stronger than you know to get online and create a blog to talk about your disorder. I had struggled for years with panic/anxiety disorder and there were times when I didn’t know how I would ever get through it. But the first step was to come to terms with the fact that I had it and to get help. I also had support from my hubby who was my rock and with lots of work and prayers I was eventually able to get it under control. I hope you can eventually get to that point too with your PTSD Jacque. Sending prayers and thinking of you!



Pattie Peterson August 11, 2017 - 11:50 AM

I too suffer from PTSD I was sexually abused by my brother and it was hidden in the back of my brain locked up in the vault to protect me and it came out almost 7 years ago and my life is been hell since. I’ve gone to several counselors and just can’t seem to find the one counselor that can help me through it. It’s like they just sit there another head yes and say I understand why they make you do a drawing or stupid crap like that I don’t need that I need help.

Geneva Freeman August 10, 2017 - 8:12 PM

so sorry I suffer depression and anxiety. I see a therapist, take medication daily pray a lot. .Some days I do fairly good but other days its difficult to make it through the day.

Lani Whittington August 10, 2017 - 7:57 PM

Hi lovely 💜Jacque I’m praying for you that soon you will be fully recovered from this just keep thinking of your special girl Theresa and start yoga I know God is listening and looking over you. Love you Jacque like a sister 💜💜💜.

JudiBoone August 10, 2017 - 5:52 PM

Hi Sweet Girl Jacque. Thanks for sharing . I too suffer everyday with this horrible monster . It likes to hide quite often . Blessings to you and your family . You are amazing . Hugs

Emily Hopkins August 10, 2017 - 11:23 AM

Oh sweet Jacque do I ever know how you are feeling and what you are going through. I am in the same boat and it is a vicious cycle. Love your blog! Keeping you in my prayers!

Geri lawrence August 10, 2017 - 1:44 AM

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. If you can figure out a way to sleep during the night instead of the day I hope you’ll share.

Ray August 9, 2017 - 11:47 PM

I understand and applaud the strength and courage. My life was for nothing. I suffer daily. My prayers.

Jo Ann Collins August 9, 2017 - 7:42 PM

Jacque I’m so sorry that you are feeling such pain. You are such a lovely person and have such a wonderful personality. I will send up some prayers asking God to watch over you, and make you healthy and happy once again. Don’t ever give up my dear, because you have so much to offer.

Stacey August 9, 2017 - 7:26 PM

How brave of you to talk about this. It is so hard to talk about illnesses that you aren’t able to see on the outside. I have suffered from severe depression and have often felt ashamed of talking about it and expressing my truth. Thank you for standing in the light and being fearless. I too have used EMDR and it has helped tremendously to control some of the symptoms.Love and prayers to you.❤️🙏🏻❤️

E lara August 9, 2017 - 10:40 AM

Jacque you are a lovely soul. I am very sorry you are suffering this way. I have not been diagnosed but everything in me screams I feel this pain and trauma due to early life events. Enough said. My love and prayers for you and all who are suffering.

Lindsey August 9, 2017 - 8:49 AM

What a beautiful post. Odd to call it that perhaps, but the beauty in all of this is that you are not only helping others who may not feel they can be so brave by speaking out, yet all the while taking a milestone in your own journey acknowledge it out loud and validate it to yourself. I hope this post brings your mind and heart some peace. And yes try yoga! I started practicing recently to help cope w/ my anxiety and depression. Yoga comes in all forms-not just the poses. Thanks again for sharing such an important part of your life’s story.

Mary Jean Knowles August 9, 2017 - 8:11 AM

Thank you!

sherry silver August 9, 2017 - 5:08 AM

Thank you for this. I to have PTSD and a fairly new diagnosis after years of wondering. Living in a rural area it is difficult to find the proper help, so I can identify with what you say. Keeping busy is sometimes hard. lol

Lynn August 9, 2017 - 2:44 AM

Prayers for you Jacque

John Tate August 9, 2017 - 2:26 AM

I understand how you feel. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life. Had a nervous breakdown in October of 1999 that had been years in coming. I would sit and daydream about killing myself, just to stop the pain. I just wanted it all to go away. I got help and put on Effexor which gave me my life back, but I still have occasional relapses of depression and anxiety and probably always will. I don’t really have anybody to talk to about my feelings because no one else around me understands how it feels when it seems like the world is crushing in around you. I’m sorry to hear you’re having difficulties right now. Just know you’re not alone and I’m praying for you, kid. Take care.

Mayra August 8, 2017 - 11:18 PM

You are very brave for sharing and this will help someone. I had PTSD and one therapist very coldly said “oh you don’t have PTSD. Only soldiers get that.” Needless to say, I wanted to crawl into a hole. Thankful I sought help elsewhere. Stay strong Jacque!

Lori August 8, 2017 - 9:46 PM


Franni August 8, 2017 - 9:18 PM

Hugs to you dear friend. I know we have had this discussion before. And it’s hard for people who do not deal with it to fully understand someone who is. I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD due to the circumstances with John. I have wanted to look into yoga myself that’s down the road on my journey to being healthier. If you try it out let me know what you think. The last few days have been especially hard for me. And I know they say it’s a myth but I really do believe the times around the full moon have an impact. Again… love you and you are so much stronger than you think. ❤️

MARY LEANNE Jewell August 8, 2017 - 9:09 PM

Walk slowly. Seek your special place. It might change from time to time. This summer I wished to sleep with a rainy might well I got those monsoons that hit So Florida. So I changed to a mountain house we were at this winter. Had snow a fireplace cozywith people I felt safe with and I even inserted smell of hot soup, coffee and cookies baking. Helped. Working on my next space. Rest enjoy the beauty around you. Peace for a moment.

Carol August 8, 2017 - 8:59 PM

I understand. I’m getting counseling at this time. I have just begun this new journey. Not sure how I feel about it right now. Hopefully it will lead to me getting better and getting my life back on track. Although, my wish would be that no one have to endure this in their lives. I will say I was both surprised and glad to know that I am not the only one living with this .

Nancy August 8, 2017 - 8:57 PM

I imagine your recent employment status changing doesn’t help. Part of who you are was described by what you did! Your identities were intertwined. I really understand that as I retired from my career as a 911 Dispatcher/Trainer, early, to be a caregiver for my Parents. I never realized how much of my life was described by that title. Aside from being part of a family or being a friend, I was still described as a 911 dispatcher for the 2nd busiest department in the country. Almost like your self-worth is comprised. But here is the thing, WE have to move on and realize there is a future for us in another area, perhaps. We just have to open our hearts and let it in.
It sure isn’t easy redefining ourselves, but I’ve been told and try to believe that nothing easy is worth having.
I do know this, I was anonymous to the people on the other end of the phone, but I miss those people! I could help them, with perfection and compassion. I was a people person behind the scenes. You are a people person in the foreground. I imagine you miss YOUR people too.
Bless you Jacque, You will find your niche again, whether it’s a similar career path or something completely different.
Love on your Family that can heal most saddened hearts.❤️

b reed August 8, 2017 - 9:18 PM

Nancy, i am very much like you. i just retired but i did not end well. i worked for decades in health care. last in the ED. and that was my identity. i took care of elderly parents, til their deaths, yet never stopped working full time. worked weekends, holidays etc. my co workers were my family – now i feel like i am dealing with a divorce or a death. i keep thinking who am i ? i do not miss the job or the stress but i miss my former co workers, the routine, the activity and the occasional thank you. i appreciate what you said, and i am glad to know i am not alone in these feelings of mine. i know you were talking to Jacque, but it hit me too. thank you Nancy

Denise Sonnier August 8, 2017 - 8:27 PM

Thank you for sharing. I have dealt with anxiety for many years. Some people do not understand what we go through on a daily basis. I am grateful for an understanding husband and family. Prayers to you Jacque. 🙏

lindasue77 August 8, 2017 - 8:27 PM

Yes, EMDR and ART are both documented therapies for PTSD and used as valid treatment for our veterans, and anyone who has experienced trauma. If you would like more information, please contact me at

Mandy August 8, 2017 - 8:00 PM

My brother in law has ptsd and we have a good family friend who does…praying for you Jacque!!! Essential oils are a very effective option to consider. The more I learn, the more amazed I am!!

Giselle August 8, 2017 - 7:51 PM

You are such a beautiful person

Vicki August 8, 2017 - 7:48 PM

Please check into EMDR. It worked for me and it is for PTSD. EMDR, research it! Blessings ❤️

Sharon Ziobro August 8, 2017 - 7:45 PM

You are a beautiful person in and out. You are also strong! I am 70and have had RA since I was 29. I too was in sales and eventually had to retire early. I have had 4 back surgeries and numerous foot surgeries and at times it has been very hard to be positive. I pray a lot and God somehow gives me the strength to forge ahead and enjoy life.

God Bless you

Jeanne Parson August 8, 2017 - 7:40 PM

Thank you for sharing this. I know you will continue to be a blessing to many with your words.

Patti Stellato August 8, 2017 - 7:37 PM

I enjoyed watching you on QVC. I didn’t realize you struggled with PTSD. I hope you continue treatment and are feeling better soon. Best wishes, Patti.

Rebecca August 8, 2017 - 7:36 PM

Hi Jacque, 1st off prayers 🙏. I also have depression issues and undiagnosed PTSD from somethings from my childhood and from more recently watching my Mother die 2 years ago at the age of 62 after she also battled several years of severe depression, suicide attempts (also adding to my PTSD) and her battle with schizophrenia. I have some days where I feel almost human and other days that I don’t even get out of bed
I completely understand what you are going through and I believe that when we are ready true healing will take place. Until then please embrace your loved ones more and realize that they love you just the way you are. 💛

Barbara E. August 8, 2017 - 7:27 PM

I understand the struggle you have. I have MDD, and everyday is a guessing game. But you are strong, and a survivor, and your Faith will get you through one day at a time. You are beautiful inside and out, and many, many fans/followers that are here to support you!

b reed August 8, 2017 - 7:23 PM

i am crying as i read this, both for you and for me. we are strong but i don’t usually ask for help……….”i can do this” i am trying to get into a routine, i am starting a new hobby, trying to be creative. to eat better, to walk and get fit. to remind myself i can be lovable. to remind myself that i am important too. i wear a “bravelet” everyday, i got it with a donation i made to honor you. i wear it and think of you but also to get me on track. a wise woman (hint hint) once told me “small steps Bev, small steps”. we both need to do that. i did a lot of reading about ptsd, and i hope it can help me be a better friend to you, and to help others. i am here for you and with you. you are stuck with me. i got your back !!! God bless you dear one. love ya

Marcia Wirth August 8, 2017 - 7:21 PM

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I had no idea that civilians deal with this. I thought only military deal with PTSD. I am praying that it gets easier for you. Please try meditation & yoga. When I was going through my divorce over 20 yrs ago I did yoga & meditation & it really helped. I know it’s not the same as CPTSD but it’s a starting point. I will be praying for you. ❤❤❤❤❤

Sherry Wilson August 8, 2017 - 7:21 PM

I’ve never been diagnosed but I believe I have PTSD from a 13 year marriage to an alcoholic. I’m remarried and find myself falling into the old patterns even though my now husband is wonderful. I find myself in a funk sometimes for no apparent reason. I can’t afford to seek help so I try to work it out on my own. I also have a good friend I can bounce stuff on and she will tell me if I am overeating. Thanks for sharing your story.

Cindi Beattie August 8, 2017 - 7:19 PM

Love you Jacques! You do whatever you need to. I recently retired from teaching and then had a wreck (only my car was hurt, thank God). I have been doing a ballet exercise DVD and it actually helps so much. Don’t think I’m going to get a ballerina body, lol but I feel so much better after doing it. It’s called Element Ballet Conditioning. It helps me think so much clearer and is calming and, above all, easy to do. I have finally started back on my writing and I think my husband is glad I’m not as grumpy! You are so right that we need to take baby steps.

Melinda Azar August 8, 2017 - 7:15 PM

I’m sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. To be frank, this post, the vagueness, gave me anxiety. Reading it made me feel very worried. I remember something I read once.. “FEAR”… False Evidence Appearing Real. I hope you find a way to heal your thoughts and ptsd, you are in my prayers.

Michele' Renee Crevier-Ebeling August 8, 2017 - 7:14 PM

Thank you very much for your honesty Jacque. PTSD is just a part of my severe depression and anxiety. I have only left the house a few times in the past two years due to my agoraphobia. I am not even able to drive due to my anxiety. You really find out who your real friends are fighting these “afflictions”. I thought I loved you on the Q… I admire you even more now that you have enough strength to be “real”. Peace my dear girl! 📿

Vasiliki Stevens August 8, 2017 - 7:13 PM

Hi Jacque ,
I never really understood that cilivans also have PTSD until this past year.. I am completing my intern hours for school at a conseling office. I have had the honor of working with some lovely mom’s that have PTSD.. Thank you for trusting us enough to share what you have so far.. ❤❤❤

Debbie Conley August 8, 2017 - 7:11 PM

Hi Jacque,
Sounds like your doing everything you can. It’s a journey taken one step at a time, heck sometimes one second at a time! I had that dx many years ago and I am so proud to see you pushing through. I think the hardest thing for me to do is fake it in anyway. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve but back in the day I wore many masks. You are beautiful, you are worthy, and girl you got it goin’ on 😊 Just know God is with us and will never leave us, although I must confess there were many times I thought he had. I would love to learn to blog. Been home a bit due to death in fam, also was back home (NJ) taking care of mom, and blogging would be a great outlet. Just no idea how to narrow down my thoughts lol and start. Keep on posting lady ❤️ and gentle hugs to you! 😘

Mary D. August 8, 2017 - 7:04 PM

I have been in counseling for PTSD for going on 2 years now. There is no cure, just ways to control it and self-talk to help get through it. Counseling is an absolute must for me. Those with PTSD, if you are not in therapy, please find a counselor you connect well with and get help for relief!

Debbie Conley August 8, 2017 - 7:12 PM

Amen Mary!

Jennifer August 8, 2017 - 6:45 PM

Hi Jacque. I understand about PTSD as I deal with it as well from trauma stemming from abuse as a child. For me, I suffer from horrible anxiety as well as other issues. Most folks associate with PTSD with just something from the military. A dear friend of mine, for example, has it stemming from his tours in Afghanistan. However, so many folks have it from other traumatic things. For me, an antidepressant works as well as weekly therapy with my wonderful therapist. I am praying for you!


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